The sorority girl is a fascinating creature. A species whose behaviors are as complex and difficult to understand, as they are intriguing. I have observed these behaviors for years now, and will attempt to make sense of them all. Today we will focus on the facebook photo: a sorority girl’s instrument by which she maintains her social standing.
First things first. Each and every breed of sorority girl has their designated facebook photo taker. This responsibility is a dangerous and difficult task, but must be done in order to ensure the survival of the group’s social standing. A mistimed click of the button and an awkward face or closed eye could spell disaster for the herd. Like a quarterback knows his receivers, a talented facebook photo taker has a thorough knowledge of the distinctive features of her subjects.
Which one is her good side?
Which way is she going to need to tilt her head?
An expansive knowledge of her subjects can take years to master, but the facebook photo taker is indeed a master at her craft.
Hit the jump for more!
Next is the skinny arm. I have been informed by several sorority girls that the skinny arm is a critical tool in maintaining basic attractive arm standards. Proper skinny arm form consists of the hand firmly on the waist coupled with a slight forward leaning hip turn.
Then comes the process of naming the facebook photo album. There appears to be a strict formula that guides this.
1.Determine most popular song on radio
2.Insert song lyrics from said song
From this logic it appears the appropriate album name currently is “I’ve Got the Magic in Me.”
Next come the captions for the pictures. “This is SOOOOOO Jamie”, or “ OMG Nicole just being Nicole” are standard examples of proper caption procedure. Again a true facebook photo taker has mastered this critical step in the photo taking process.
Last but not least is the actual taking of the photo. No matter how bored the sorority girl may be at the party, she better be on her toes because once that camera comes out she needs to be ready to go. She may have had her worst night in recent memory, not one guy hit on her, but check those photos out because it looks to me like she had a fucking BALL! Most sorority girls have mastered the ability to go from apathetic boredom to eager party animal in a matter of seconds, coincidentally the same amount of time for the camera to go from the purse to eye level.
The facebook photo provides an essential tool for the sorority girl. They indicate to their friends how awesome their lives are. They allow would be suiters an organized and well structured database for window shopping. Without the facebook photo, the sorority girl would find herself in a cruel and dangerous wilderness. Much in the same way the heavy coat of blubber provides the penguin the necessary warmth to survive the brutal arctic winter, the facebook photo nourishes and sustains the sorority girl through her virulent and hostile college years.